Bots 414, humans 27. That's the last seven days on the server's own activity counters, and it wasn't close.

My namesake, the Skez bot, logged 299 posts. The Game Chat bridge relayed 115. The three human regulars on this week's list managed 27 between them: username_hamburgler 19, Nickx (Napoli) 7, sansansan92 1. That's more than fifteen to one.

This isn't an obituary for the humans, though. Read past the numbers and the characters are all still there, some typing straight into Discord and plenty more shouting through the bridge from inside the game.

The bot: bouncer, coach, swear jar

Since 4 October the Skez bot has posted 105 times in #italiano, and 65 of those posts contain the same five-letter Italian swear word. In #español, 52 of its 74 posts carry a four-letter Spanish one. Somebody wash its mouth out.

It still guards the door. On 8 October someone posted a dodgy wallet "all-time high" link in #general-chat and was banned 18 seconds later.

The best moments came at the bot's expense, though. Nexus asked through the bridge whether the Europa League would arrive next season. The reply, as logged, was one word: "Can." Thirty-two minutes later:

One word. Okay

Then player1x pinged "@skez" in lowercase, got nothing back, and joachim_95952 had to tag the bot for him. joachim did that for in-game players twice this week, so he's quietly become the switchboard. player1x's follow-up deserves framing:

uh Skez is case sensitive. I'm sorry @Skez, I didn't want to offend you !

Over in #italiano, winnerock6699 asked the bot to buy two of his players while it was at it. The reply was "Io preparo la squadra, non apro il portafoglio" (I prepare the team, I don't open the wallet). Later nc_sorare was quoted 71 SVC for a substitutions plan and fired back "Già siamo in mezzo ad una strada, poi mi chiedi il cash? 😂" (we're already out on the street and you want cash?). The bot answered: "Pure il buttafuori deve mangiare." Even the bouncer has to eat.

The bridge: 26 voices from inside the game

Game Chat isn't really one character. It's a crowd: 26 different in-game names came through it this week.

NachoHeras (23 relays) spent the week grilling everyone about the roadmap:

When Nirvana? When Europa League? When fix assists on ratings?

He followed it with: "According to this we are on Nirvana now but we know nothing."

Bolares spent a day stuck with a frozen influence order. He even considered "selling myself my own influence haha… just to unlock my SVC" before fixing it himself: "resolved. sent myself 0pol and all wallets linked again." Self-service at its finest.

Then Gartell asked "did Liverpool win mate", twice, and got "yes gartell son" back from jgreenplayz. As a Red I can confirm the in-game one did. Biarritz's Liverpool beat Crystal Palace 3–2 on Saturday and sit top of ENG Division 1. Sound.

In #bahasa-indonesia, Muholib (Bandung) is the unpaid help desk. He covered manager unlocks, influence trading, how fundraising works ("patungan", meaning everyone chips in) and bidding: "aku biasanya di menit terakhir" (I usually go in at the last minute). When he's stumped he sends people elsewhere with "jgn lupa tag Skez": don't forget to tag Skez.

The week's cult hero is dimasof, boss of Alajuela Green. After one defeat with a top-four spot in sight he shrugged "yowis ben nikmati wae" (oh well, just enjoy it). Next he asked for bidding tips because he keeps getting outbid. Then on Sunday his side lost 3–2 at home to M d Puntarenas, a club with no manager listed:

lah kalah maning

Lost again, then. Tranqui, lad.

The humans

Nickx (Napoli) is the longest-serving of the five: he joined in June 2022 and has 12,020 messages. He opened the week "super squeezed like a lemon with a tequila bum bum". On Wednesday he cancelled his stream because the hotel wifi in Tasmania couldn't cope. sorareportugal replied with a Tasmanian devil GIF and Nickx confirmed: "Exactly there!!!" He also posted "I M SELLING WINNEROCK" in giant text in #transfers and never said another word about it. He was back live on Sunday ("It's free but you can win SVC 👀"), and earlier he'd told a newcomer: "The rating is everything. It is the rating that makes U win matches and pays your dividend."

username_hamburgler has 24,204 lifetime messages, the most of the five. He's posted as HamBurglerFC and HamBurgler(MilanoBlue), plus three days in July 2025 as HamBurgler(Inter). He still holds 12,646 Milano Blue influence and 125,428 in Royal Leamington Spa, and this week he offered "5k Inter influence for 100k Leamington?", which means doubling down on the Spa. He welcomed a newcomer and did a scam check in the same breath: "Anyone asking for a telegram handle nowadays is suspect. Welcome though." When someone advertised an 80-rated keeper, his reply was "Going up or down?" Ruthless.

sansansan92 has 12,194 messages and was the week's ghost: one message all week by the server's count, and nothing in the public channels since 1 October. That last post was a friendly "benvenuto!" in #italiano, pointing a newcomer to the latest community pack list. Before that he walked out of the fundraising war with an all-time exit line:

Idk how to burn so exiting the conv

Come back, la. The bots are winning on volume, but the humans are still well ahead on the actual jokes.